God has really rocked my world this week and it all started with an orange Fanta soda. I know, I know, how is that possible? Let me tell you.

When I came to Swaziland and to DTS I had all sorts of ideas about what I wanted to do with my life. My heart aches for those in need and for those who are without hope. I thought DTS would show me exactly how I should be serving those people. But the deeper I got in DTS the more confused I got about it. I thought I wanted to work directly with kids, but in being around kids a lot I have learned that is definitely not my gifting. Plus, I “learned” that I was not a visionary because I had no clue about how to make all the stuff I had in my head come to pass. All the doors I thought would open seemed to be closing and I have spent the past 15 weeks confused at what I am supposed to be doing. Then a series of things happened building up to a point that everything would be unleashed…with an orange Fanta.

A few weeks ago, I had a breakdown with God. I felt like He was failing me because I was trusting Him for things and I didn’t see Him coming through on the things I was trusting Him for. I know, I know God’s timing is different from our timing. But the theme for me on this DTS has been breaking through the faith barrier that I seem to have with God on many things. So I spent an afternoon crying, throwing rocks at Him, telling Him what I thought of Him, yet somehow knowing that He was holding me throughout it and knowing that no matter how many times I felt like He wasn’t coming through that I would continue to step out in faith. It was quite a paradox of feelings that I was having. I had a breakthrough that day and thought that I was at a place where I had laid a lot of things down. But I realized with the orange Fanta that while I had laid them down, I was still looking at them lying there.

About a week ago I started reading Wild at Heart. This was inspired by a friend reading part of Captivating to me and me deciding I really needed to re-read the 1st half of that book and force myself through the 2nd half. And I’ve always wanted to read Wild at Heart to understand how to support and understand the men in my life. So I read it, chewed on the meat and spit out the bones. But one part of it really stuck out to me. Something I had never heard before. John Eldridge was actually quoting someone else, but I will paraphrase. Stop asking what the world needs and find out what makes you come alive because what this world needs is people who are alive. Duh, Michelle. I started trying to figure out what makes me come alive. But I had no idea what that was anymore. I had no clue what I wanted to do to serve God. I learned that it is apparently orange Fanta that makes me come alive.

Our last week of outreach was spent in da bush evangelizing, playing basketball and net ball with kids and doing a little work with a church. It was supposed to be really hot in da bush, but instead it was cold and drizzly most of the time. We couldn’t evangelize while it is drizzly because we would get too wet and people won’t sit outside with us. So when the weather was bad we would have to sit inside our rooms. This was actually quite delightful to me because after 12 weeks of classes and 9 weeks of outreach, I’m pretty spent as we all are. One day our evangelism kept getting pushed back in the day because of the weather. I was praying for more rain because I really just wanted to rest and because evangelism is not my favorite thing in the world to do. Also, on this day another girl and I had volunteered to make lunch for everyone and when people seemed less than grateful I was grumbling pretty badly to myself. I felt under appreciated and was being drug out to do something I didn’t want to do. I was in a pretty lousy mood. I really needed an orange Fanta.

The weather cleared up and we went into town to evangelize at the shops. My partner and I went to a couple shops, talked with people and encouraged them. We went to an auto parts store talked with the guy for a while and prayed with him and his work mate. Then something I did not expect to happen happened. The guy reaches in his pocket, pulls out 10 rand (South African/Swazi money) and tells my partner and I to go get a soda for ourselves. My initial reaction was to say, “oh no, that’s ok” because I know how valuable 10 rand is here. It’s a liter of milk. It’s a container of peanut butter. It’s a loaf of bread and a jar of jam. In American dollars it’s about $1.50, but here, it’s much more and most people don’t have a lot to spare. But I know enough about the culture to know it would have been very rude for us to not accept. So I picked up the money expressing our gratitude. Then my partner and I walked over to the butcher shop to get our drinks. I got my orange Fanta and we stood outside drinking our soda talking about how amazed we were that this guy wanted to buy us soda. We stood there thinking about how amazing God is in His provision. I felt so blessed and so incredibly humbled. And I could not stop thinking about it. It was the most delicious orange Fanta I had ever tasted.

When we got back to the place we were staying I put on my iPod and listened to some music while I was talking with God about how amazing this experience was. I journaled about it, read Colossians 3:23-24 (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving) to remind myself of why I was doing outreach. I also read Psalm 78 because I had literally “randomly” opened my Bible to that chapter about 12 times in the past week. I had tried reading it before this day, but something always kept me from it. I realized that I was just like the Israelites that would turn away from God no matter how many wonders He showed them. They still never gave Him all of themselves. He guided them through the desert, He gave them water from a rock, Heaven rained down manna and meat. But those miraculous things were not enough to win their faithfulness and trust. I asked His forgiveness for grumbling so much about doing evangelism and for not really trusting Him no matter how many times He had proved Himself faithful to me. He brought me back to the place where I told Him that no matter the cost I would do whatever He wanted me to do. But I told Him He had to make it so clear to me because I was clueless. I laid several things down to Him. I laid them down and have walked away from them putting my full trust in Him that He knows better than I do. I gave control back to Him; control that I have fought Him for so many times. And then the most amazing things started happening. While I was sitting there asking for God’s forgiveness for grumbling and complaining about serving Him and about feeling under appreciated He said to me in the most gentle, loving way imaginable, “Michelle, I am grateful. I appreciate what you do.” [cue tears, humility and need to recite Col 3:23-24 to myself every day]. Can you believe that we have a God that tells us that He appreciates what we do for Him? After this time with God I went to the Word to read and to spend time in my renewed relationship with my Love. A relationship renewed by and orange Fanta.

You know, God’s timing amazes me. Sometimes it’s quick, sometimes it feels like FOREVER, but it is always the right timing (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this said and it sounds so cliché, but I think it is finally sinking in). As I was reading, I read 1 Peter 4:10, “Each one should us whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” So wait God, you are telling me that I don’t have to evangelize since that’s not my gifting? You are saying I don’t have to work with kids since that is not my gifting, even though it’s what tugs at my heart? Ok God, then what is it that makes me come alive? And in God’s perfect timing, in walks Paul (my American counterpart, hiking buddy and good friend who is gracious enough to listen a lot of Michelle’s thought processes and rambling). Paul asked me how my day was going and I told him it was amazing. He asked for more information and I shared with him all the thoughts that had been going through my head. Then he asked me, “so what makes you come alive?” I had talked with him before about how I love to just bless people, to shower them and pamper them. When he asked me what made me come alive, this is the first thing that came to my head. I told him that the thing that makes me come alive is seeing people smile. He said, “ok, what does that look like as a ministry?” Then the thoughts came flooding in. God started giving my grand visions of what my ministry will be. He started putting all the pieces together. He brought up things that I hadn’t thought of in months and reminded me of thoughts and conversations I’ve had.

1. Several months ago my pastor was talking and something he said made me think, “we are just distribution centers for God’s love”. God pours into us and we are not meant to keep it. We are meant to give it to others.
2. I have been working in non-profit accounting for 10 years. I have good knowledge of the inner workings of a non-profit organization. I have the skills and can gain enough knowledge to run my own organization.
3. I have heard and talked about how the American church needs to be shaken up because it is sleeping. On this DTS Paul and I have talked about how it’s not dead because if it was, there would not be so many Americans that are alive in Christ.
4. I love to bless people. I love doing things for people. I love to see people’s needs met and I love to see them spoiled.
5. People want to help other people, but they don’t always know what they can do.
6. The church is at it’s best when it is a “blessing machine” (Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell).

All of this culminated together to bring a vision to my mind. I am supposed to connect people who have needs with people who can meet those needs and I will connect people who want to bless others with those who could really use a blessing. It will start out small as me going to the churches to bless people (I think I will start with the oft forgotten pastor’s wives) then it will become one church’s members helping another church’s members. But God has told me it can grow outside the church and even to a national level. Non-Christians will see the Church making a difference. I have no idea how it will all work out, but I am trusting God for that. This is His vision, His dream. I am just one of the tools He will use. I am still praying about this and letting God work out the details, but I know it is something I will start working on after the holidays. I already feel like God has started the paving of the path. It is a road that I am excited to walk down with Him. I know that if this is truly His path for me, it will grow in a way that I can’t imagine. Who knew that an orange Fanta could have such an impact on one’s life?

NAM

The past couple of days have been travel days, which means not knowing what day of the week it is or where we are. We spent the past couple of weeks in Windhoek, Namibia working with an organization called Beautiful Kidz (BKZ). It’s a private Christian preschool for kids who live in poverty and who have lost their parents. They also host a youth group and a kids club every week, giving the message of the love of Jesus to kids from 7-19. The people at BKZ work so hard for the kids. The days start at 7:20 am and end anywhere from 3:30 pm to 6:00 pm. And some days there aren’t any breaks. Somehow they keep the kids of all ages engaged and striving to strengthen their relationship with God.

The amazing thing about this preschool is that the fees for sending a kid to school is $48 Namibian per year. That is the equivalent of $7 USD. $7 to send a kid to a preschool for a year. $7 that gets them 4 meals per day for a year. Meals that they often times don’t get at home. $7 a year gets them a foundation of believing in Jesus. That’s 2 drinks at Starbucks. That’s less than what most people pay when they go out for one meal. The school has 80 kids, which makes it $560 per year for all the kids. I am blown away by this. That is so little money considering the work that BKZ does. And they employ several Namibians, which is great that they are also providing work for people that really need it. They have also started a needlework program where women from the community hand embroider placemats, aprons, potholders, etc. and sell them. This is an incredible organization that is really giving back to the community they are in.

Windhoek is a beautiful city, one that I will miss very much. We stayed in the outskirts, so there was a ton of walking and hiking to be had. It was sunny, hot and dry most of the time. When it rained there were incredible thunderstorms. You haven’t truly experienced a thunderstorm until you’ve experienced them in Southern Africa. I’ve been privy to experience thunderstorms in 4 Southern African countries and each time I am blown away by how powerful and majestic our God is. The thunder and lightening are an amazing display of how grand He is. I will never get tired of them. Although they are a bit painful when in Swaziland because the power goes out every time it rains. The last time the power went out it was out for about 36 hours.

I head home in a little under 3 weeks. I am looking forward to familiar surroundings and familiar people. But it will be incredibly weird to stop being around people that I have been living with for the past 4 months. I’ve seen most of these people every day for that time. How weird to have them suddenly not a part of my life anymore. I can’t imagine what that will be like and I am sure it will take some time to adjust. But I long to see those that I left at home and long to finally meet the nephew that came into this world a couple weeks after I left. I long to not be on bus rides that take 24 hours. I long to cook whatever I want to cook and eat what I want to eat, not what’s on the menu. And I long for clarity of what the next step in my journey with God will entail.

In Mozambique

I've been typing this blog post and realized that I jump around a lot. That's what having to pay for internet by the minute will do to a person! :)

I've been in Mozambique now for about 1 1/2 weeks. I have been loving the weather; it has been mostly sunny and warm, with a couple days of rain. I can't believe how different Mozambique and Swaziland are. It's amazing to me that 2 countries that border each other can be so distinctly different. I guess it's like comparing the US to Mexico. Actually, Mozambique reminds me a lot of Mexico in the way that it looks.

The base that we are staying at is about 100 yards from a mosque. Each morning, starting at 4:30 am, they do a prayer call. It continues every couple hours throughout the day. Each time I hear it, I am reminded of the very real presence of people who do not know the Truth of God's sacrifice. I am reminded that there are people living in darkness and that need to be shown the light. One night, we were worshipping when we heard the prayer call and we all worshipped as loud as we possibly could. And we proclaimed the Truth of God and His glory as loud as we could. It was amazing to feel God's presence when we did that.

We have been doing a lot of ministry here, which I guess is why they call it outreach. :) We have been evangelizing in the market, praying for people at the hospital, hanging out with the kids, and doing some work in the community. It is difficult to minister at times because none of us speak Portuguese, so we are at the mercy of interpreters (if we have one with us) or some broken English. I am looking forward to Namibi where people speak English so that it will be easier to minister to people. The more I am ministering to others, the more filled up I feel. Which is crazy because I've always heard about how ministering to others is so draining. But when you are sharing the love of God with people, it's amazing how He keeps you filled.

God was amazing enough to provide us the funds to buy some groceries for a gogo (an old lady) who raised her grandson when his parents abandoned him. She is 70 and gets up every day and walks about 3km to go work in the field so that she can eat. Can you imagine? She is hunched over and walks very slowly, but faithfully gets up while it is still dark so she can support herself and her grandson while he finishes school.

One of the things that God has talked to our group about is how God is crying out for his people, like a momma cat who is being kept away from her kittens that are also crying out. When we cry out to Him, it is in His nature to cry out to us. God delights in showing us His mercy and His love.

We leave Moz on Nov. 5 and will head to Namibia. I will keep everyone updated as I can. God bless and you are in my prayers.

A couple weeks ago I got to go to Emmanuel Kayalethu (EMK) to visit the kids there. It was such an amazing visit!! I got to see Piwa, the little girl I fell in love with last year. She and all the kids have grown so much. The babies are now running around all over the place. I was amazed that when I was there, some of the kids remembered me. They ran up to me and recalled stories from the year before. A couple of them even remembered my name. I was astounded by that. I love those kids and loved being able to see them again. I think I may go back next week.

We found out we are supposed to go to Maputo, Mozambique and to Windhoek, Namibia. Please be praying for what God wants us to do and for safety in all the places we are supposed to be going.

After outreach, I am considering going to Uganda for a few weeks. I feel especially convicted after I read the blog of a couple of 21 year old American girls that live there and have ministries there. I read about a couple of girls that they were trying to nurse back to health. The girls were severely malnourished. One of the girls was 21 years old and weighed 37 pounds. 37 POUNDS!! I was horrified when I read that and saw the pictures of her. I mean, our 5 year olds weigh that. Unfortunately, or more likely fortunately for that poor young woman that was suffering so badly, she went home to be with the Lord. I am so encouraged by these 2 young American women who so desperately love Jesus that they have committed their lives to serving Him and sharing His love with those that most people forget about. I know I am capable of that kind of love and know that Jesus wants me to share that love with the people who need it the most. I foresee some public speaking to shine some light on these ministries and these causes.

Then I heard a stat from a friend. He used to be a youth pastor and someone spoke at a camp they once had. The speaker said that if we took 2/3 of the money that was spent on pornography each year in the U.S., we could feed every person on the planet for an entire year.

Lord, thank you for the burden you have put on my heart for these people. I know that You are the only one big enough to cure this problem. I know that I can’t do it. But I know that You can work through me to help with it. I know that You can use me to make a difference. I know that You can use me to show the kind of love that You have for the world. Please, keep me focused on that. And help me to remember that You are the reason for everything I do. I want to live for You and You alone.

I’ve heard people ask, “if there is a God, how can He allow suffering in the world?” To those who ask that I ask, “if there is no God, how can people continuing to allow suffering in the world?” If you don’t believe that there is a God who should be taking care of people then it is up only to people to take care of people. God asks us to take care of each other. Either way we are failing MISERABLY.

Water, water...nowhere

It's been an interesting week here in Swaziland. We have been without water on and off for the past week. One minute we have water, the next minute we don't. Because we don't have water or are short on it, we don't get to use the bathrooms anymore. This is our new bathroom, which is a toilet seat nailed to some boards that are above a hole in the ground. I have no idea what is thrown over the "toilet", but this is what I get to use for a bathroom. For those of you that know my sense of humor and think I'm pulling your leg, really...I'm not. This is actually our "outhouse". I call it the Pod because it reminds me of what the astronauts come back to earth in. Quite interesting. Oh and if we want to do laundry, we now get to walk to the river to get water. Now this is what I thought Africa would be like. :)

This week started off with a bang, so to speak. It was an incredibly windy evening. I woke up on Monday morning at about 1:30 am to the sound of a 4 year old (our base leaders’ son) running up the hill yelling, “THERE’S A FIRE”. Startled out of sleep, I jumped out of my bed and ran to the front door to let in our base leader’s wife and their 3 kids. She told me that there was a brush fire that was burning out of control and was close enough to their house (about 1/8th of a mile from the place where all the students sleep) that sparks were flying onto their roof. Most roofs here are made of thatch, so if a spark caught fire, it would mean the end of the house in no time. All the guys were outside at the fence line do what they could, which was nothing really, to keep the fire from coming closer. I called my prayer warriors back home (thanks for your prayers, guys!) and those of us that were up gathered around for some prayer. About 30 minutes later the guys returned with the base leader and our guest speaker and let us know the fire department (didn’t know Swaziland had a fire department!) had arrived and would be fighting the fire.

It was awesome to find out that the fire burned up to the road, then stopped and turned the other way. It never jumped over the road and came onto the base. What an answer to prayers!!

I had an amazing God moment this week. Each Friday we do outreach where we either go to the government hospital to pray for people or we walk around the “neighborhood” pray for people. Last week we started walking up to a house that had a few women sitting around and a bunch of kids running around. As we were walking up I got that sense that one of the women sitting there was longing for the love of Jesus. I brushed it off, but as we started talking to her, I realized that it was completely true. She asked a few questions, but I could sense her uneasiness with wanting to ask them. In talking with her discovered she was 8 months pregnant.

On Sunday, my friend John and I were walking back from church, I had this sense that at some point we were supposed to go back and visit her and pray for her. I didn’t necessarily feel that we needed to pray for her on that day, but I knew we were supposed to return to her. Well, on Thursday she showed up at the YWAM base. She wanted to get some prayer because a prophet at her church (a Zionist church) told her that either she or her baby would die during birth unless she brought him a watermelon and fish and he would make a “potion” for her to drink and it would be ok. Eesh! John and I have been ministering to her and she will be joining us for church this Sunday.

Last night we ran out of water, then got it back. Then the electricity went out, so we lost water again. What an exciting evening. ; )

I am really enjoying the time here, the people, the classes. I’ve finally adjusted to living with a bunch of people. That helps deal with things a lot. Tomorrow I’m going to be making cheeseburgers and fries with the other American here. We are both missing hamburgers!

Blessings to you all! I love and miss you!

My first week

Hello everyone! I have survived my first week of DTS!! It has definitely been an adjustment, but I feel settled in loving it. Swaziland has such a slow, laid back pace. It's easy to fall in love with the place. And the people are so incredibly friendly and helpful.

There are a total of 7 students in DTS: 2 Americans (including myself), 1 Botswanan, 1 Ugandan and 3 Swazis. Quite the mix of cultures. The food has been good. I think my favorite thing they have here is called pap (pronounced "pop"). It's the staple food and is basically cornmeal. But I can't get enough of the stuff. :)

It's quite interesting bathing here. This is running water and showers, but no hot water. So I can either take cold showers or boil water and bathe out of a bucket. It's actually quite fun. I know, I'm weird. But there is something that feels good about conserving water. I mean, I literally bathe in about 5 liters of water a day. It's so cool.

I found a couple running partners here, which has helped to keep me sane. But oh man, it is ALL hills here. I think by the time I get home I'm going to be able to outrun my sister. :)

It has been awesome to be surrounded by like minded individuals and I feel like God has really started to open up my eyes about what He has in store for me. I'm so excited about the weeks to come and what God has for me.

I will be posting pictures as soon as I have a flash drive to transport pictures from my computer to the internet cafe. And as God is revealing things to me, I will be revealing them to you! Oh, I'm getting a cell phone today, so people will be able to call me. :)

Love to you all! You are in my prayers!